My baby is not a baby any more....

I have been suffering form horrible headaches, lack of "desire", moodiness, and I am always tired......so I decided to go see my OBGYN last week. I have been taking Celexa for depression (which I have had since puberty) along with a birth control pill that was safe to breast feed while taking. When I explained all my problems/symptoms to my doctor he explained they were mostly caused by breast feeding.

  I have a wonderful Husband who I happy with and attracted to. I love my kids and get to stay home with them so I couldn't understand it. I eat horribly, never workout and hardly have a life for that matter so I figured it was all from that. 

My first son Cole nursed for 6 months and decided he didn't want to any more. My second son Jaxon had to stop nursing because my husband was in the hospital and I didn't leave his side, Jax was 4 months old. I have been nursing Tanner now for 10 months and didn't really want to stop. Our second son Jaxon is always ill and has asthma and food allergies. I am convinced if I would have nursed him longer he wouldn't be as bad as he is. So far Tanner shows no signs of illness like Jaxon and doesn't have asthma. We are still not really sure about the food allergies. 

My doctor changed my medication to Prozac and Yaz but also warned that it would dry up my milk supply.

 My dilemma is Tanner is not thrilled and I am a little sad. I was just nursing him getting ready to put him down for a nap when I started to tear up. Just looking at him, knowing he was my last baby and that this would be one of the last few moments of nursing him was so sad. He looks so little to me when I am holding him like that but I know that he is getting bigger too. This cross road is a hard one, I am sure that a lot of Mom's out there feel the same. I have a friend that was very upset when her daughter got her first tooth only because she knew the "baby" was gone. I can't imagine not having a baby in my arms but of course it would be great to have a life too. Such a weird combination of thoughts. Hopefully the changes in my med's will help but I can't help but feel sad and a little guilty that I'm not going to be able to breast feed any longer. I can't help but be sad that my little guy is growing up and moving forward in life.  Baby no more, 18 year old soon.......